Still on Day 1 of Madan Challenge

Well, I guess, either i wont able to write anything tomorrow, or, i wont think about this anymore tomorrow.

So I just gonna scratch this on tonight.

People always have their five years goal.

But I dont.

Infact, with my 28th birthday approaching, my future still looks bleak on myself.

Dolu, I know I want to be someone with a stable job at age of 27. By stable job, means stable money income. I still have that feelings when I scroll down on igshop. Seeing those lovely garment, imagining me, with my stable job, buying things with my stable income, wearing those to works. I know I dont dreams much. To be in bubble, I always love to.


With graduation approaching, (I didnt write my thesis yet, by the way), i didnt plan for my future yet. I know that I want to settle down in my hometown. It just that, people there did not appreciate science much. Hence the job opportunity there for my field is scarce. I even potraying myself as a housewife, SAHM, part time tailor, and there are points that I think I OK with that.

And it scare me a lot.

As I said, I always try to live in my bubble. Outside world is scary.

But, to be very OK with that, means im okay to leave science behind.

I know I love science. Even I dont have much passion in this. Maybe not passion, maybe more on hardwork, or effort. It just I love science, Science always wonder me. But there are times when I dont think I belongs in this field. 

There are times you think you had enough with science. Especially when you are very very demotivated with your progress.

"BS this thing. Whatever. Balik makan lagi bagus"

something like that, that I will say when I had had enough. LOL

But, when I realise my feelings, coming back to the lab after a long weekends at home, listening to many many science talk, I can feel the love. It just, Come back Adibah, Come back to science. And I know I love the feelings.

Science is complicated. It needs appreciation. Its all love.

I know im not a geek as other people in science, and I dont put much effort to be one yet, but I know, I want to stay in this field.

Especially, when in one day, you just had so much talk about people. Mengumpat sana sini, or talking rubbish, or watching to much korean drama ( on repeat mode. Oh hi Do Jin. Hi Chep), keeps drooling over those virtual character.
And you know, the moment you talk science with people, it sort of washing away all those wingy wingy wasting time you had before. Its like pulling you again to be more productive, more a human. More of someone better. Just because when we girls gather around, we tend to talk about our works, than about anyone persona. Times goes by discussing science. Less on mengumpat.

But I wont lie. Bunch of girls, we had our self session. we not that geek.

I really want to be in Cambridge one day. Tetiba

I know that is a very big dream. But, I really want to be there even as a post-doc, or visiting a friend. Or to just walk by.

I wrote this tonight, I hope when my next five years reads this again, it just remind me, a wonderful dreams I once had.


Adibah - someone poyo to be geek.