27 dresses

This blogpost is just to kill my time while waiting for my benchmate's supervisor done with their consultation next to my desk. Tiba tiba rasa gembira ada phone call, jadi boleh melarikan diri dari aura benchmate's sv yang mula tone lain tu. ehem ehem

So, its 22 Sept again.

Which is my birthday.

That I sometimes forgot. Yes, forgotten by me, myself. Can I be any way weirder than this?

I.....

am someone who never think birthday celebration should be something big. To be forgotten by someone, about your birthday wishes is a big thing. In fact, I even feel awkward when someone wish me 'Happy Birthday' straight on my face. What else can I reply except 'thank you' or smiling happily and a halfway shout of THANK YOUUUU  back or smiling giddily with (what else?) thank youuuuuuu. I dont know. Seriously I dont.

But then, again, this is my 27th Birthday. As my sister texted me this morning, Nobody knows whether this will be that I am 27 years old or young since nobody knows how many times I have left on this world. Well, some may think that is a creepy wishes. But for me, that is the most realistic wishes I got. Combining many things in one : A wish, a prayer and importantly, a reminder. 

I dont really care how old I am, as i strongly uphold that your maturity level is what define you. And maturity is something that is fluctuate based on your current situation. One can be at lab, solving one technical problems, by combining lots of fact and experience and then come out with a 'walla' solution which invite people's admiring eyes on him/her, then, s/he felt stress with that, go to arcade, play any arcade games. People may see him/her as childish, but Hey! s/he have their own way to channel the maturity. There are peoples in their midlife, solving problems like teenagers. Maturity walks more on solving problems. Hence, no matter how old you are, as long as you can solve your problems up to your age par, you are matured. Child-like is nothing in common with child-ish. Hecka, I am actually trying to justify my act playing in arcade game, together with three years old cheeky Khadijah. Hahahaha

I know my writing skills does not improve much since last time, but well, Grammar nazi if you are here, hold your breath and click the 'x' sign up on the right corner because more grammatical errors are on the way.  

Ok done. Back. 

*My labmates cum my housemate just called, to invite me to my birthday celebration since their plan is kantoi. till then I will continue this post later. 

continued.

I never have life plan. A neat one. I never have a real life target (the science student in me try to type milestone, but I leave target for it to be less jargon-ic) one that i am dying to achieve. I have many dreams, which noone I think I try so hard to make it happened. Heck, I even dream to have clean,neat,shiny car. But I sent my car to car wash, once a month maybe?

But, at 27, it different. This age brings so many means to me.

The dream I had was,

at 27, I lead a stable life.

Nice job. A stable job.

One that I can apply for loan or credit card with my salary. (Not that I plan to add loans on my already a burden life, but credit card is a symbol that you have a stable salary per month. I guess that how I see it is)

One that I can buy property or investment with my salary.

One that I can have other life commitment .

Yet I achieve none.

I dont even get good result for first milestone of my research.

So, turning 27 today, with no life achievement, I felt too many negative aura coming in. So down. So low.

At 27, I have a car which I only to pay half, and a life insurance with medical card that allowed me to stay at KPJ for a week because of dengue.

At 27, the success level that I achieve is same with fresh graduates (UKM's student grads at 22)

And now I feel old with my maturity stoop low.

 I really need to work hard on my life.

I may have my plan, but what will happen is following Allah's plan.

So, Happy Birthday to me.


Labmates tried to prank me, so they can treat me for birthday dinner. Well, I can guess it the moment benchmate's phone rung three times. Hahah. Its hard to put a poker face sometimes. The thing is that, one of my labmates already announce in our whatsapp group that today was my birthday, and none of them wish me anything. Knowing how nice they are, and how they ignoring things they already know, I can smell the secret plan (or supposedly to be secret).

At 27, I dont think that peoples singing Happy Birthday to you out loud with cakes is something sweet.

Tonight, as we gathered, having steamboat and grill, making jokes to one another, having a nice conversation, reminding that I am actually on my way to achieve my dreamS, is totally a perfect birthday night I have. I may not someone I wish to be YET, but work harder, the time may come sooner that I thought.

Thats all.