Thursday, October 3, 2019

There are few things I learned while watching Dr. John. And since I keep repeating this series again and again, I put my thoughts here.  

The story is about a genius anaesthologist, in diagnosing patients together with his Pain Management team. But this doctor, Cha Yo Han is suffering from mutation of ntrk1 gene that lead to CIPA. Basically he cannot feel pain, and for anhidrosis, he can not regulate his body temperature well. Also, he can not sense any changes in temperature. Well, for any kind of gene mutation, usually the patient is having some sort of mental disabilty, which is usually what CIPA patient is. But, if they were to stick on the right track, we wont have this Cha Yo Han. 

That’s all for the synopsis part. 

Now, my ‘findings’. There will be spoilers in here. Read through if you are okay with that. 

In Episode 5, Dr Kang Shi Young was looking for the cafĂ© where he had her last meal with her dad. I almost cried watching this part. Mostly because I faced the same scene before. I always go out having afternoon meal with wea to various eateries. I somehow put myself in the situation. Reminiscing the last place me and wea had our last outing together. It should teach you that, things will last. Cherish this moment NOW. You wont know when you will miss it. 

In Episode 8, where he was diagnosing a priest with meliodiosis. There was part where Dr. Lee asked him, why does a deity allowed a pious man suffering when he is already devouted. Because as an atheist, Dr Lee cannot grip the conditon. The priest replied, for him, the sickness is part of an atonement for his previous sins. (He was a soldier, killed lots of peoples during war) Well, as a muslim, it kinda strike me through. Because Islam teaches us that pain and sickness is not a punishment. We may suffer, but we will be paid generously if we patiently suffering through. Sickness, disease and pain; no one want it, no one request it, and everyone will do anything to avoid it. But, we do not have any power over those, because as muslim we believe it as part of destiny. But Islam teaches us what is good behind this. Everything will bring in goodness in us, only if we allow ourselves to look into that. So, in Islam, even sickness bring us goodness, not punishment. We will be rewarded later on for the hardship we faced today. And for me, this is a very good motivation to go through the hardness. 

I guess that is a good anwer for “why do we need to suffer?” “for later good”. When? In Islam we believe in life after death, when only your deeds matter, then this is the later good that is highly desired. 

In Episode 14, where they discussed about Cherubim. “A drug that can let people die in peace” There was one terminally ill patient decided to undergo euthanization (illegally) with Cherubim, because he believed the drug can end his endless suffering, in peaceful way (they even showed the brain beta waves and alpha waves to indicate the peaceful mind the patient was in at his last breadth). The Yo Han then replied, he didn’t see that as something peaceful. He see that kind of death as something sorrowful, sad and lonely. His death is taken as a crime. Where again, in Islam, to have a peaceful death, full with love and dignity, you have to live in peace and dignity. Live as how you want to die. As in, you don’t need to use drug for the said case. You just need to live rightly. 

Last, Yo Han is suffering with CIPA. Thus he cannot feel pain. Pain is, troublesome, burdensome right? But, just because he can not feel pain, he wont realised if he is in one. And because of that, he wont realised if he got infection. Even it you can diagnose it from the blood test, he cant localise it, because of the missing sense. You wont realise how big and beneficial of something that is so burden-full, until you totally lost it. 

Truthly, I cannot fathom how people can live without sensing pain. Then, things happened. I went to a weekend getaway with family. After some water activity, something was not right in my ear. It hurt badly. I went to the clinic for a check. Turned to, few days later, I need to meet with ORL doctor, and he sucked out the earwax from my eardrum. But, days after that, the pain was escalated in stead of reducing. I can feel it moving to my jaw and eyes. I did not think of any sort of infection, because I already met with ORL-HNS doctor. He didn’t notice any infection on my ear. 

But the pain really bothering me till I need a painkiller, just to sleep. I decided to go to a GP right away. The area was already red and swelled badly which indicated an infection on my right ears, and it already moved to my left ears, jaws and my laryngal. Was prescribed with antibiotics. And alhamdulillah all is well now. This is the problem with people that can not feel pain. I know something wrong with my ear, because of the unpleasant feeling. But, if I did not realise the pain I was in, I wont go to have second treatment, then I wont realised the infection. See, pain is actually helping you. To pain is to live. 

In the last episode, Yo Han successfully developed a kind of pain killer that may help terminally ill cancer patient suffering with unbearable pain, so they can live their life fully, until death come to them. This bring back the previous point. You can doctrate how you die, by living your life. And as Islam teaches you, that you don’t know when will death come to you, thus you need to live your life fully. Death will come eventually, and you don’t know when and how. You don’t have control over that. What you can control is how we living before death came. 

And last, it is okay to show your love.  Like what Shi Young did. If you like someone, then you like him. It is okay to be in that way. 







Sunday, August 26, 2018

After the rain

#side note : I decided to revisit drafted write ups and finished it with current thought and posted it. I drafted this write up for quite a while, probably before puasa, since I stopped watching PNBMF right after the episode. Hahaha. Anyone, here you go!#


 I keep this blog for a reason apparently. Hahah. 

Now, here I am again after quite a while. 

And during 'quite a while', so many things happened. So So many. Life changes events. So many that I dont know how to describe my 2017. An eventful years. 

Anyway, just for an update on my life progress since last post: I quited my job, and then I joined another study, preparing myself to enroll for phD study. Changed my phone, and I downloaded all social media apps into this *newnotsonew* one and keep scrolling it every five minutes; i think. I just deleted facebook recently over that Cambridge Analytica whatever chaos (because I watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds). But I still scrolling it from my browser (Because of Mathew Gray Gubler. Daniel Henney? Em, who's thaaaaat, again?). What a life, huh?  

My current korean drama is Pretty noona buys me food, which I think is totally too good to be true kind of drama. Well, lets face it. What is the chance some very well eligible gentleman, most sought after gentleman suddenly chase you, over all admirable women surrounds him?. Yes, the chance is not nil (definitely 100% in drama), but for the story to be happened to me you IRL, em, perhaps 1%? 

Hahah. Aci laaa. Jung Hae In is bae nonetheless. Hahahaha. Drama is a drama anyway. Mana lagi nak jumpa kisah kisah yang TGTBT (too good to be true) kecuali dalam drama kan? Drama Korea summore. Hahah Plus, walaupun life Jin Ah tu pathetic gilaa in first few episode, still its Sohn Yeh Jin kut. Sohn Yeh Jin Okkeh. 

Hahah. What ever. new *ty make me a bitter person i guessed. LOLOL.

Plus, walaupun drama tu is totally on romance, I think it carry satirical towards their society quite well. Kes ibu Jin Ah lah mostly. 

Macam scene 1: 

Jin Ah vs Gyu Min. Yes, Gyu Min tu graduate SNU. Kerja hebak. Family dahsyat. Still, watak dia douchebag gitu. Tapi, mak Jin Ah ni still support someone yang dump anak dia, two timing anak dia etc etc, just because his lineage and career. Sebab benda tu akan lagi UP kan family dia dimata masyarakat sekeliling. Tak kisah lah lelaki tu treat anak kau baik ke tak, anak kau happy ke tak. As long as he got those titles. Cehhhs

Scene 2 : 


I think this part is very prominent to me. Despite how conflicted actual scene were. Episod 10 rasanya. Part mak Jin Ah jatuh then cracked her arm. So whole family bawa mak dia ke hospital. Sampai di hospital, Jin Ah iring mak dia jumpa doktor. Both adik and ayah dia duduk di ruangan menunggu, yang juga dipenuhi dengan lelaki. Then datang another family, bawa ayah yang dah tua. Anak perempuan iring, belakang dia ada seorang lelaki tolong pegangkan bag and then join duduk di ruangan menunggu. I already felt something here, tapi maybe it just my perspective kan. Then when this scene occured, ha, betul laaa perspective I!. 

Masalah dengan family hari ni, dalam family kita tak tonjolkan perasaan sayang dalam family. Just because family tend to stick together through tick and thin. kita kadang kadang tak rasa untuk berusaha atau tonjolkan our love and appreciation toward our family member. Lain bila bercinta. Sebab kalau bercinta, kita kena berusaha untuk kekalkan affection towards one another kan. Sebab tu lah love story selalunya between lovers. 

You show love, you say it out loud bila dengan partner aja. 

So somehow, people dont know how to show love.

I didnt tell my mom 'I love her' because she ain't cheesy that way. But I try my best to show it. I show her that I care. That I really care. 

So that my mom knows she is definitely My Numero Uno. 

Anyway, back to the drama, sebab Jin Ah ni pernah sakit and she learn how to treat your loved one from Joon Hee, so she treat her mom in that same way. Full with affectionate and care. And she said it clearly, "I learn it from Joon Hee, on how to show your love"

Its kinda satirical for me. Because I also live in a community which showing love in the family is very awkward.

Anyway as my sidenote said, I stopped watching this drama after this episode. Didnt finish it off.

And, I shift to more slice of life kind of drama which is My Mister. Still new, just into middle of episode 2. The camera shift too much that sometimes I cant track the movement. Iya lah, nak baca subtitle lagi, nak tengok face reaction lagi. Pening la. But, I'm hooked. For now, I'm hooked. 

I liked Lee Sung Gyun, Yes. But, IU punya character really touch me. 

And we I decided to ramble this here, I reread what I wrote for last time AND, it kinda intertwined!. ahahahaha

Well, I tweeted this last night;


Many dont realise this; Option, is the most luxury things you can have. People who can opt to not washing dishes, not cleaning house not doing any house chores versus people “if i dont do it, nobody will”. If i dont prepare my food then i wont have anything to eat. Like that.

Oh well, that is still OKAY.

Compare to people, who like IU character in My Ahjushi.

She can only have left over food from the restaurant. Sounds ermmm ehm.. right?

Well, she the only option she can have is, to have that kind of food, or dont eat at all. But one have to eat to live and survive. So, basically she dont have any other option beside to eat it and survive for another day.

There are lots of arguments going on online. But people kinda forget, where they stand. They can say words, have opinions and everything because they have options to not to be in the other shoes. But for the people they accused, or curt, do they have the same luxury, the same option as you?

Think people, think. Empathy. 

Sunday, April 9, 2017

I've been detoxing myself from social media for, ehem, a day? Hahah. Its quite easy for me because i just need to delete all socmed apps from my phone. Its kinda stuffing actually. People i followed on Twitter kept on arguing about something that wont go anywhere. Well, everyone has their own opinion. Hence it kinda stuffing to read people's opinion when they themselves closing their mind from others. 

I live in my own niche. I dont really know others. I may heard stories, emphatizing on their hardship and everything. But still, i'll go back to my own life and starts to shape their life according to my own POV. Such like, I believe education is everything. Knowledge is everything. When I heard stories of kids leaving school to work, because they are the sole breadwinner. I feel the hardship. I  emphatize with them. But I still feels like they should hold it in.If only they can wait for a few while, if only this, if only that... Just keep swimming for a little while until you finished with, at least your high school. Atleast you get better pay, better opportunity with only SPM. It will be better with other certificate, or diploma and degree, wont it? Better opportunity, better life. Kan? 

What I failed to understand is, there are things unavoidable for some people. Macam skrip Kemboja dalamAdiwiraku, 
Cikgu pernah dak tak makan dua tiga hari? Saya pernah cikgu. Kalau saya datang sekolah, siapa nak kerja cikgu? Kalau saya tak kerja, siapa nak bagi kami makan?
A very simple words yet soo strong. Food is staple. You'll die by not eating. But you'll live without education. Kan? 

Your opinion still valid. Education can change their life, make it better. But, given those lemons, you can squeez it into lemonade. But its hard to make lemon cake. More people would like lemon tart, over lemonade. Still, lemon tart need more stuffs and expertise than just water and sugar. Kan? Tapi, kalau simpan lama lama, tunggu nak belajar buat tart, habis rosak buruk lemon tu. Agree? Well enough with my useless metaphore. What I want to say is, yes, when I heard stories like Kemboja's, I be emphatize with her, pitying her, but i still hold my opinion strong. She should be let to finish her study, for better living in the future. Just because you 'already in her future' phase.You think you know better, just because.... because i will never be Kemboja, what ever I think is because I am not her. 

That is it. 

Sebab tu cam serabut gilaaa baca all those arguments. You are arguing things for people you never want to understand. You say you understand their situation, still you understand them from YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVES. Then keep arguing. And because everyone entitled to their opinion. What I need to do is to restrain my ownself. 

Okay, now I understand Seo Young and Woo jae's argument better. Hahah
ANDDDDDDD

The easiest way is to move away from those. Stop reading. 

So i deleted all of those apps from my main phone, but keep it in my second phone. But because it is already a habit to check for notification, i always always checking my phone to realise there is nothing to check anymore. Then i ended reading blogs mostly on korean dramas, and started watching new drama that i never intend to. Perks of detoxifying myself, kahkahkah. 

And there was times that I have things to ramble on my twitter page, but I dont have it anymore. Signing in on webpage was kinda hassle, and that was not compliance with my effort. So I just chunk my word. Well not that everyone need to know every opinion i have. 

There was a post from someone I followed on instagram. She asked people, what has social media made you? Other may say intriguing, self doubt and so on. But for me, i just realised apart from that, social media made in informative. In both ways. I got to know latest update on things happening whether in Malaysia or in the world. But, it also kept me informed with peoples opinion, and that showed how sick our society currently is. The liberalist, feminist, racist and every opinion every people has. 

Its bad for my mental status. 

So, i gonna try to keep on detoxifying myself for couple more days and lets see if I can make it, or not. And for that, perhaps i will be visiting this blog more often. Yeah, my thoughts and opinion surely longer than 140 characters. Leulss.


Till then, ja mata ne

Salam